We broaden our horizons and chat to leading botanist Professor JB Webster about the cactus, and the mysterious effects it has on the indigenous species known as the ‘sneakerhead’.
The cactus (plural cacti or cactuses) is a member of the plant family ‘Cactacae Jackus’, a family comprising of several genera, which occur in a wide range of high and low shapes, colours and sizes.
The origins of the cactus are not certain, but many scientists and celebrated herbologists believe the first ever cactus was discovered in the heat of Houston, Texas. Many cacti live in extremely dry environments and show many adaptations to store and conserve liquid, commonly known as ‘jamba juice’. In recent years, cacti have been increasingly spotted in more urban environments where the ‘sneakerhead’ community dwell.
Since their notable arrival on the city streets, the phenomenal cacti have had a mysterious effect on the sneakerheads who come into close contact with them. Even a glance at a photograph of a cactus can leave the sneakerhead fam in a heightened state, displaying a multitude of extraordinary emotions and symptoms. The most common of these are ‘goosebumps’ and you get them every time. Other symptoms usually consist in a rush of endorphins, increased heart rate, obsessive behavior and a compulsive reflex to check your mobile phone for notifications every sixty seconds.
An actual physical encounter with the cactus can be a life-changing experience for the sneakerhead, with only a lucky few being fortunate to obtain them. In most cases the encounter does not bode well. The prickly spines can leave the sneakerhead feeling incredibly sore and bitter, sometimes with a salty aftertaste. This ‘sicko mode’ can have a lasting effect on a sneakerhead with some needing a special ‘antidote’. However, for the lucky others, the feelings can be the complete opposite – a winning feeling or a euphoric rush of happiness and smugness that engulfs you, that can leave you feeling like the ‘highest in the room’.
“My graduation, wedding day and birth of my first child. None of these compared to me owning my first ever cactus – the best day of my life by far. Don’t tell my wife this right?” @LL-cool-Js
The rarest encounters with cacti are known to have induced sneakerheads to hallucinate. Several sightings of a strange, naively drawn face, almost like something you’d see carved on a pumpkin, have been reported worldwide. Are these just ‘fragments’ of their imagination or is there really a connection between this face and the cactus? At this stage we just ‘can’t say’.
“I always thought those dudes who saw pictures of Jesus on their toasts were whack. But one morning, whilst stirring my mocha I saw what looked like a mash-up face appear. Damn. It was freaky as!” @talks-a lot-of-crepe
So where does the cacti’s magic and mystery come from? Renowned astrologist Professor K Jenner puts it all down to the starry skies. From her extensive research ‘star gazing’ the professor believes the cacti employ a special mechanism to absorb the bright starlight, which in turn give the cacti their unusual ‘astro-worldly’ magic.
It seems the hype around this prickly phenomenon is set to increase. According to leading sneakerologist and specialist in community behaviors, Professor G from Offspring University, London has confirmed that a new unique species of cactus has been discovered. Details of the discovery are being finalised by the university, which they hope to make public very soon. One thing is for certain, the cactus will once again be causing a ‘butterfly effect’ amongst the sneakerhead community.
Further information on the new cactus species can be obtained from @offspringhq
