So, we’re at the end of the group stages. We’ve had excitement, we’ve had passion, we’ve had drama, and we’ve had none of it from England. Yep, just got to accept it, F’all is coming home!
Do we have to talk about it... _sneakerteacher
Yes we do, Sneakerteacher, yes we do!
What’s good people? We’re coming at you with the lowdown on the Euros so far. The tournament is in full swing with some teams shining bright like diamonds and others falling flat on their faces… (cough, cough Scotland). You know the drill, we love hearing what y’all got to say, so we asked the Offspring Community “Who’s looking the best? Who’s most disappointing? Who’s going to win? And if you were Gareth, what would you have changed?”
Here’s what you experts had to say.
First off, let's talk about Spain – quick, flashy, and full of flair. The team has been straight up fire, tearing up the pitch and leaving their opponents in the dust. Spain’s old tiki-taka style of play is now more 'ataka-ataka', with their slick passing and killer finishing making them a force to be reckoned with. Their defence ain’t too bad either, it’s been as solid as a rock. From your comments, Spain are your front runners to win the whole thing.
So far Spain have impressed me the most 🇪🇸 the style of play has changed a lot under the new manager, with the emphasis on tiki taka fading away too. The introduction of 2 traditional wingers like Yamal and Williams has added an exciting new dimension to their team, my pick to win the tournament this year!
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Been really pleased with how Spain have started, there wasn’t a lot of buzz coming into the tournament, but they’ve impressed me. Pedri and Ruiz have been excellent and controlling and creating chances.
And then there’s Germany. Well, they may have had a rough patch in recent years, but they're back with a vengeance, playing some of the most exciting football of the tournament, and on home soil too. Their attacking play has been a sight to behold, and their defence is tighter than a pair of skinny jeans. These guys are like a well-oiled machine, playing with precision passing and tactical genius that also puts them up there as your potential winners. Wunderbar!
The hosts Germany are my favourites to go all the way and lift the trophy. Musiala has impressed me so far. Tony Kroos looking to end his career on an insane high, wining the Euros after picking up a Champions League winners medal all after recording his 11th successive season of 90+% passing accuracy in the league.
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No one doubted Germany with the home advantage, they were already going to progress to the next round, they look the most complete team overall, this could be Toni Kroos last swan song before he hangs up his boots for good so they will go deep into this tournament.
Portugal up until Martinez put out a remixed team against Georgia, had been looking strong and impressing the Community. Led by the GOAT himself, Cristiano Ronaldo is out here playing like he’s got something to prove, putting on a show for the fans and showing everyone why he’s one of the greatest of all time. The rest of the team ain't too shabby either, with players Fernandes, Silva and Joao Felix stepping up and making big plays when it counts. Portugal have been playing some beautiful football, and after their blip, definitely a team to watch out for in the knockout stages.
Portugal can’t be discounted as even though Ronaldo isn’t the player he once was, it feels like Portugal have a better team than when they won it in 2016 with player like Jota, Silva, Fernandes and Dias having more influence within the team and you still have player who can change the game with Neto and Felix.
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Called it from day 1 but Portugal looking really good! Showing the world how deep the squad is beyond Ronaldo and well Pepe was outstanding last night and can’t fault the team. I think they will get better and better as the tournament goes on 🤞🇵🇹
On the flip side, we’ve got France. Now, we don’t know what's going on with Les Bleus, but they've been looking more like Les Boos out there on the field. With a squad stacked with so much talent like their favourite Ninja Turtle Mbappe, Griezmann and Rabiot, you’d think they'd be tearing it up, but instead, they've been struggling to find their groove and failing to live up to the hype. C'est la vie, we guess.
France gotta be the most disappointing, not really putting in team performances, needs a bit more chemistry and they were missing the finishing touch without their star boy 🐢 – an example of a team that works around their star player instead of as a unit.
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Everyone keeps talking about France advancing to the finals but they seem to run out of ideas when Mbappe doesn’t play, the players look a bit burnt out. Kante has been their saving grace, dominant display in both games he has them ticking in midfield.
But it ain’t all about the so-called big teams either. Them underdog teams, like Austria, they ain't playin’ around, people. They out there on the pitch, showin’ the big shots what’s up. The Austrian team, where’ve they come from (apart from Austria obviously)? They’re looking drilled and have been killing it on the pitch, even finishing top of their group. Georgia toppling the Portuguese giants, Turkey scoring some of the best goals in the tournament so far, and Switzerland showing they’ve got a lot more to offer us than just chocolate. These teams are the real deal, and they’re here to do more than make up the numbers.
Austria could be a dark horse with Ralf Rangnick treating his team to a Rod Stewart concert as he looked to get a tune out of his players. Overall it’s been fun, and let’s hope it continues.
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It’s just starting to heat up. Been some great goals scored. I’m enjoying watching the countries not expected to do anything, they are showing more heart and desire and their fans bringing lots of energy, Like Turkey and Romania.
AND NOW SADLY TO ENGLAND
Oh England. The Three Lions have been about as exciting as watching paint dry and their play has been as dull as dishwater, with Gareth Southgate’s conservative tactics sucking all the fun out of the game. Some at OffspringHQ have heard that Southgate puts his phone on low battery mode at 99%, and washes his hands after a shower. Come on mate, let the boys off the leash and let them play some football! It's like watching a bunch of grandmas playing bingo out there.
Here is a list of 10 other things more interesting than watching Gareth Southgate’s England:
– Watching golf
– Love Island
– Doing the washing
– Emptying the dishwasher
– Updating your CV
– Filing your tax return
– Doctors waiting rooms
– Cutting your toenails
– Rearranging your sock draw
– Coldplay
Southgate seems like the kinda person that'd swap his full 'The10' collection for a pair of beige Sketchers slip-ons.
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If I was Gareth, I would’ve changed Gareth. He’s not a tactician, doesn’t change as the other teams adjust and teams see through us playing 1 up constantly.
They’re like a broken-down old car out there on the pitch, and they're definitely not living up to their potential. I mean, come on, how hard can it be to tell these players to kick the ball into the net? It's not rocket science, people! England, get it together – you've got some of the best players in the world on your team, so start playing like it! Stop playing like a bunch of Sunday league amateurs and start showing some heart out there on the pitch.
If the England team put in as much effort as Walker gives it with his ‘Hawk Tuah’, we’d win that thing for sure!
Arnold shouldn’t have been in midfield. Put Mainoo in from the start, not the last few minutes. Cole Palmer should also be playing after the season he’s had in the Prem. Southgate needs to take the handbrake off. We got the best attack we’ve maybe ever had should be going for it 🏆🏴
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Palmer and Watkins in for Kane and Trent and let them go for it. Push everyone 15 yards forward and go for the jugular. Stop being conservative and let the players play.
It won’t be long before the England supporters stop chanting ‘Hey Jude’, and start belting out ‘Help!’
Help! We need somebody
Help! Not Gareth, just anybody Help!
Klopp, you know we need someone, help…
But hey, it's not all doom and gloom. Somehow, through sheer jaminess and Georgia’s heroics, we find ourselves having finished top of the group and with a far easier path to the final. Let’s not get too carried away just yet, as England have much chance of winning the Euros as you have getting a ‘WIN’ on the Sneakers App!
Even though England have been disappointing there’s no need to panic just yet. Gareth is going to have to make some BIG changes going forward into the knockouts. Fix the midfield by ending the TAA experiment and playing Jude deeper or bringing Mainoo/Wharton to provide the balance. Having runners like Gordon (and dare I say Rashford) playing off Kane getting in behind to stretch defences. You know what… just give me the waistcoat at this point 🤣
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Love that loads of people have become a tactical experts and if only Gareth chose their suggested line-up and tactics then it would unlock everything. 😂. Life ain’t as easy as football manager, guys.
Aside from the teams, you gotta give a shout out to all the fans reppin’ in Germany. The party atmosphere at Euro 24 is off the charts, with the Dutch contingent painting the streets of Hamburg and Leizpig orange. Those wild Scottish lads, with bagpipes blaring and kilts flying high – “No Scotland, No Party” they sang… unfortunately for them, the party still continued!
The energy has been electric, the passion is contagious, and the banter is top-notch, and seemingly very food based. The Albanians breaking Spaghetti in front of the Italian supporters was genius, and well received, as was the Austrians breaking baguettes in front of the French supporters. The fans have been the real stars of this tournament, bringing the noise and the vibes like no one else can!
So there you have it, people. Spain and Germany have been shining like bright stars in Euro 2024, while England have been about as inspiring as a wet weekend. But hey, that’s football for you. Anything can happen on any given day. Let’s see what the rest of the tournament has in store for us – which will most likely be going out on penalties in the quarters, and catching the L Train back home. Peace out, y'all.
