THE OFFSPRING OLYMPICS

In a groundbreaking move, the Offspring Community is lobbying for new sports to spice up the Olympics, following the successful introduction of Surfing, Skateboarding and Climbing at Tokyo, which continues into Paris this year.

First up, there’s food and nutrition. We know they play an important part in sports but what if they became the Olympic events? The ‘Snackathon’, where athletes compete in devouring the most nachos, crisps, and chomping hot dogs in record time. Forget the hurdles, we’re jumping over couches and coffee tables to reach the ultimate snack glory! Talk about a mouth-watering competition.

–––

I mean it’s silly, but serious, but crisp eating. Man I can eat so many crisps and I know there’s gotta people out there that could eat more… not a Quaver or Wotsit either, they are fully banned. It’s gotta be a crisp of value, you know, like a McCoy or a Monster Munch. I’d wanna know the potato equivalent in measurements specifically!!! That’s how you win!! 🤣🤣🤣 – mickaelasummervine

A sport I could win??? Eating. Most definitely 😂 – m._fernandes

I’d boss something like eating snacks without getting caught and blaming the kids. – marshallahsram

Chocolate biscuit eating I’m pretty good at that. – bebboz1

Eating Nandos consecutively 🤣 – k1ckzgram

Being able to actually easy peel the packaging (when it says ‘easy peel’) off the packet of bacon. – paulefenton_1

But wait, there’s more! How about the Netflix Marathon? Athletes binge-watch series after series, competing to see who can finish an entire season in one sitting. Snacks are essential here, with bonus points awarded for downing beers and the ability to balance a bowl of chips on your belly without spilling.

–––

If sitting down eating crisps and drinking beer was an event 🥇 right here! – simon_says_sneakers_

Beer Pong – the beer thing with cups would be a laugh. Although, I personally would be good at a pizza eating challenge! – jumpman_jonnie

Now, let’s dive into the ‘E-Sports Extravaganza,’ where gamers battle it out in virtual arenas for that digital gold medal. It’s all about strategy, skill, and maybe a little bit of luck. Who needs physical exertion when you got mad gaming skills, right?

–––

Street fighter 🙌🏽 Super Nintendo version. – sn33k3r__fi3nd

They need to do real life Mario Cart lol. Start throwing red shells and stuff lol. ESports in general would be a good one, would love to see that at the Olympics. – lovekickscustom

Would love to see Mario Cart in real life 🏆. If there is an Olympic sport I could be winning gold, I think it would be cleaning my car (to showroom quality). Every Sunday, I’m out practicing this 🤩🏆 – nickythevleuten

Next up, we got ‘Lazy Lounge Olympics,’ where competitors showcase their supreme lounging abilities by simply doing nothing for days on end. Got a to-do list? Nah mate, just bin it! This event is all about mastering the art of doing absolutely nothing. Who said being lazy ain’t a sport, huh?

–––

Not sure if I’d like to see any more sports added in particular. I could win gold in procrastination, as long as I had an assignment due 😂 – premjandoo

I’d take gold in ‘daily to do list items that I did not do’ 🏅 – lovesneakershatesneakerheads

The sport of doing nothing should be included. – alitronic

Think that I’d be gold medal and record time status for the event of putting off DIY jobs 🔨 – mocat0

Hmmm Olympic sport that I’d win gold in either procrastinating or overthinking. – ehsanseraj

Fancy a go at a team sport? We have the ‘Synchronised Sleeping’ competition. Teams of athletes synchronise their snores and blanket adjustments to create a mesmerising sleep ballet. Judges scores are based on the harmony of movements and the overall cosy factor. It’s a sight to behold, with athletes drifting off into dreamland mid-performance.

–––

Competitive sleeping 😂😂 – sneaker.dork

Taking naps / or how many biscuits can you eat in one sitting 😂 – zunaid_786

Wanna up the levels and break a little sweat, we got the ‘Sneaker Shuffle Relay,’ where instead of batons, athletes gotta swap sneakers with each other mid-run. It’s all about style and speed!

–––

I’d get a podium every time if the sport is FCFS! 😂😂😂😂😂🤣😂 – loco_jimbo

Think they should make the using the SNKRS App an Olympic sport! W’s on SNKRS are harder to come by then Olympic golds 😂😂😂 – thefamilykick

Keeping it outdoors, lets get back to the old school and drop some mad playground and childhood games.

–––

Get the ball & bats out and play some rounders!!! I used to kick ass at that game and took it very seriously… all the girls in my class hated it but not me!! Not confident I’d be able to flex and run @ the same speed and balance though if I tried 😂😂😂 – mickaelasummervine

Pat ball would be an insane Olympic sport. And I think I’d consistently take gold in caramel tasting. – kaff_official_insta

All that’s left is sports day styles… gold medal sack race and egg on a spoon. Strictly 100m. – lovesneakershatesneakerheads

Would be great to see the street game ‘kerby’ included to inspire future generations of kids to go out and play 😃⚽️ – mocat0

I was very good at rolling down hills when I was a kid. Not sure they would introduce that though. 😂 – markythemar8k

Tiddlywinks – what an Olympic sport that would be! 😂 – benny_snkrs

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot would be a jokes event! Maybe one day 😂😂😂 – vtecvaper

And finally, the ultimate event, the ‘Sneaker Styling Showdowns.’ Athletes square off in their favourite kicks, with bonus points awarded for the flashiest designs and bounciest soles. Judges will be on the lookout for the sweetest lace swaps the drippiest drops and the flexiest flexes. Get ready for a competition where style and sole satisfaction collide in the most epic sneaker showdown the Olympics have ever seen!

–––

Factory Sneaker lacing. You get ten pairs fresh out the box and have to relace them in as fast a time ⏱️ – air_max_collector

I’ll win at ‘getting to the door before my wife so I can hide the new pair of trainers just delivered’ 🥇 – mykicksandticks

Olympic raffle winning or ‘Door Hurdles’ 🚪😀 – scotty_j23

Old school @offspringhq 30-60 second raffle comp entries! – mcgintyscreps

But why use professionals in the first place. Wouldn’t the Olympics be much better with your average folks?

–––

I would love to watch the Olympics if they called up normal non athletes to compete with each-other. Kinda like jury service. Dave the brick layer doing the long jump. Sandra from accounting doing the javelin. John the butcher doing the 200m sprint. Winner gets their mortgage/rent paid for! – anonymoustrainerhead

Posties going around delivering mail as fast as they can! – carmichaelgram

I’m sure I would have a high chance in winning gold would be installing boilers with new pipework as that there for me is EPIC 😂😂😂😂 BATTLE OF THE TRADESMEN 💎🥂😝 – eja_sneakerheads

Other notable sports worth a shout out include Darts, Bowling, MMA, Paintball, Dodgeball, Kabaddi and Cricket for the Desi massive!

–––

Stick the darts in, there’d be nothing quite like seeing the worlds greatest athletes surrounded by double vodkas and beer belly’s 😂😂 – ashbelsten

I’d love to see crazy golf be part of the Olympics! Could you imagine the course if they built one! – sneak.away

Would love to a fat Tug of War, that would be amazing! – jackrichards007

Competitive arguing. I’d win gold every time 😂 – benjy.sb

The event I’d walk away with Gold in, pub quizzes or delivering unfunny Dad jokes. 👨🏼 – bobbylovetrainers

So people, are you ready to make some noise for these off-the-wall sports that deserve a spot in the Olympic spotlight. It’s time to shake things up and bring some Community flair to the world’s biggest sporting stage. Let’s make it happen!